I always say too much!

I talk too much

Talking more than necessary, "verbally undressing" or regularly stepping foot in the dish is a disruption of contact with oneself, with others and with one's environment, analyzes Gestalt therapist Gonzague Masquelier. Anyone who recounts their intimate life without censoring themselves is so in touch with their emotions, their desires and their fears that they lose the sense of their relationship to others. Totally in their universe, the followers of outspokenness address their interlocutors without realizing that they have their own centers of interest. In fact, their problem is not knowing how to adapt to the other.

We flee the loneliness of being Where does this difficulty in keeping the right distance come from? Of an inability to bear the existential frustration of loneliness. According to practitioners of Gestalt therapy, wanting to say everything is a regressive behavior, an infantile attempt to deny this human reality: the fact of being alone in the world, alone in the face of existence, suffering and death. Psychoanalysts, for their part, identify a difficulty in differentiating the inside and the outside, the me and the non-me. Saying too much reveals a certain confusion between oneself and the other, the second being perceived in a fantasy way as an extension of the first. There is then no symbolic break really made, interpersonal boundaries are blurred.

Fantasy and reality are mixed “As children, these people who are quick to confide in one another were unable to develop their individual territory, their inner world, explains psychotherapist Nicole Prieur. Their psychic space, with its share of necessary secrets, has not been constituted. They have difficulty in differentiating between reality and imagination, objectivity and fantasy. “This can come from different causes, underlines the psychotherapist: distressing, threatening environment, failing parents or family context, or even intrusive parents who consider their child as an extension of themselves and cannot bear either difference or symbolic distance. . These intrusive parents left no room for silence and forced their child to speak all his thoughts. »

We always want to please For psychiatrists, those who always say too much suffer from a disorder close to hysteria. Their unconscious goal is simple: to have an effect, to attract attention at any price. Like hysterical personalities, they practice the technique of headlong rush: "I show as much as possible to be sure that you won't ask me questions about what I don't want to show!" The shocking words, the extreme remarks are a smokescreen to prevent others from approaching what they consider to be their faults. Jane Turner, psychotherapist in neurolinguistic programming (NLP), explains that this attitude is made to to protect and to test the relationship with the other: "The basic postulate can be summed up as follows: if the person I am talking to supports me while I unpack my true self, including the negative sides of my personality, it means that I met a true friend. These adults behave like insufferable children who show themselves at their worst to see if their parents really love them. To conclude, we will say that the underlying anxiety of those who always say too much is: “Am I worthy of love and esteem? »